Demons' Night Out
by VampireNaomi
Summary: The demons were banished, but once in every 312. year they can return. The night has has come and the demonic family is out to have fun!


This story is just random crack and not to be taken seriously. It has some demon/human pairings but nothing graphic.

**DEMONS' NIGHT OUT**

Valmont sat in his office in the fish cannery, pleased because he was currently in control of his own body. Shendu usually kept him in line, but now the dragon had withdrawn.

It was Friday night, but that didn't really make Valmont feel any better. Before this little accident with Shendu he had used to have fun on almost every weekend, but now he didn't do it anymore.

It was more than obvious that Shendu wouldn't like the places that Valmont did.

He lifted a brow when he noticed that his pocket calendar was on his desk. But that wasn't where he had left it. Had Shendu probably needed it?

Valmont went through the pages in curiosity. He stopped when he found the following Saturday.

"Shendu," he asked aloud, "Why have you marked tomorrow with 'Insanity! XDXD OMGLOL!1!1'?"

Shendu was silent inside Valmont's head. The Brit let out a sigh. Something told him that he didn't even want to know.

* * *

There was no change between night and day in the Netherworld, so one could have easily thought that the demons didn't bother to count days. They would have to spend an eternity there, what did days even matter?

Bai Tsa drew a line on a huge rock. It was their calendar that they used to count the days. There was also an odd picture and the text 'Tso Lan is a square' in it.

"That's it then," the water demon said pleased and glanced at her siblings in victory. Her red eyes glowed with glee and the other demons wore similar expressions.

"After centuries the moment has come again," Tso Lan stated. Tchang Zu snorted in amusement.

"And the best thing is that the mortals will have no idea of what set us free," he said. Then he glanced at Dai Gui. "It was a good thing that you happened to have an affair with all of the Immortals. They just didn't have the heart to banish you - or us - here forever."

"Dai Gui is irresistible," the earth demon said.

What the demons were talking about was a very simple thing. In the ancient times they had been banished in the Netherworld by the Immortal heroes. That might have been a bad thing, but thankfully all of the heroes had been secretly in love with Dai Gui so they had decided to do the demons one favour.

Once in every 312. year they could return to Earth for one night and do whatever they wanted.

At first they had wasted the precious night by killing everything that moved, but then they had decided to come up with something sensible to do. Or something like that. Nothing sensible ever happened when the eight demons were in the same place at the same time.

"I hope Shendu has found something interesting to do," Po Kong said.

"I hope that too. The world has changed much and I haven't seen any of it yet," Tso Lan remarked.

"At least you have been on the other side," Bai Tsa muttered. She was the only one whose portal hadn't been opened yet. Hsi Wu had been banished back a few days ago and he was still sore about it. He had wanted to be Shendu's assistance in the real world.

"Yes..." Tso Lan sighed in thought. The other demons glanced at each other.

"Um... Something wrong, Tso Lan?" Xiao Fung asked in uncertainty. The moon demon sighed rarely and when he did something serious was always going on - at least in his own opinion.

"I am fine. I have never felt better," Tso Lan said. No one believed him, but they had no time to say anything.

A huge portal opened in front of them. They all took humans forms and stepped through.

* * *

It was a Saturday night in San Francisco. To most of the people it was just an ordinary night, but not to Jackie Chan.

For the first time in a while he was going out with his friend captain Black.

"Aww, Jackie, why can't I come too?" Jade asked. Jackie snorted softly.

"I don't think you would be interested in what we are going to do. I mean, when has a conference with mushrooms been interesting?" he asked.

"Hmph! When you last time said something like that you were about to travel to space..."

Jackie stroked her hair.

"Come on Jade. For once I can promise that nothing important will happen tonight," he said.

Suddenly the door was opened and Black peered in.

"Hi, Jackie. Ready to paint the town red and hit on women on right and left?" he asked.

"Heh heh, you are so funny!" Jackie chuckled and flashed Black his 'not in front of children!' expression. Black blinked, glanced at Jade and got it.

"Oh... Yes, we are going to have so much fun in the meeting of advanced physics, right?"

Jade rolled her eyes.

"This is so ridiculous. Jackie will never stop treating me like I was five years old," she muttered.

"Bye, we will be going now!" Jackie said cheerfully and disappeared before Black managed to say anything else. Jade, Uncle and Tohru remained in the shop.

"Jade, go to bed," Uncle said sharply.

"What? But it's weekend! Jackie always lets me stay up for another half an hour!" the girl objected. Uncle didn't seem to notice, but concentrated on one of his books.

Jade frowned and sighed. She walked to her room and sat to stare out of the window. If something happened she would not miss it.

* * *

"Bah, this is so boring," Finn muttered to himself. It was Saturday night and there they sat on a pier when they could have been having fun. It was way darn long since anything neat had happened.

"Maybe we could ask Valmont if we can have this night off?" Ratso suggested.

"No use. Valmont could let us go, but Shendude? Never. He doesn't even know what having fun means," his Irish friend stated. He threw and empty bottle in the water and watched as it rode on the waves before sinking.

"Hey, look," Chow said suddenly and elbowed Finn. The man with red hair turned around and saw Valmont some distance away. Or Shendu actually, the red glow of the demon's eyes told that he was in charge.

"I am going out," Shendu announced without even glancing at them. Finn, Chow and Ratso glanced at each other.

"Out, Shendude?" Finn repeated. He didn't think he had quite understood.

"Yes. Do whatever you please, just keep out of my way," the dragon said and walked away.

It was silent for a while.

"So..." Chow said, "We can go and mess around the city?"

"As long as we won't see Shendu," Ratso stated.

Finn snorted.

"Come on. What are the odds that we'd meet him in some bar, or something?"

* * *

A portal opened in a park in San Francisco and all demons stepped through.

"Where is Shendu?" Bai Tsa asked and brushed a lock of blue hair from her face.

"I am right here, sister dearest," the dragon replied and stepped closer. He looked at his siblings and nodded. "It hasn't been long since we last met."

"Unfortunately not," Tchang Zu pointed out. Shendu frowned slightly, but said nothing.

"What have you planned for us?" Xiao Fung asked tilting his head. Shendu glanced at the wind demon in despise. He looked very ridiculous and horrible in his human form. Shendu considered himself to be another case and he was sorry he couldn't spend the night in the human form he usually took.

But it could have been worse. Valmont was almost good looking for a mortal and the Chinese dress really brought his good points visible. Besides, he had been a statue during the other nights and this was better than that.

"The world has changed since we last time were here. The mortals have invented new ways of having fun and I shall demonstrate one of them," he said.

"And that is?" Po Kong asked sounding impatient.

"Drinking, embarrassing yourself and chasing the opposite gender," Shendu said. "Or the same," he added with a sour face.

The demons looked disappointed.

"That is exactly the same thing we did last time," Bai Tsa said.

"And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that," Dai Gui added.

Shendu shook his head.

"No, it has all become different and the mortals' opinion has changed. Nowadays everyone does it, even children if they are lucky. And it's all much dirtier and more fun that ever before," he explained fast.

The others didn't look convinced, but none of them had a better idea. Once they had abandoned Xiao Fung's idea of hugging plants and wasted the whole night by arguing over what they should do.

"Fine then," Tchang Zu said. "Lead the way, Shendu."

Shendu smiled and felt as Valmont grew restless somewhere behind his mind.

"Of course," he replied and the demon family left. Po Kong was the only one who noticed that Tso Lan was even quieter than before and acted strangely. She thought about asking the moon demon what was wrong, but decided against it.

She would not ruin this night by thinking about someone else's problems.

* * *

Captain Black watched from the corner of his eyes how Jackie walked beside him.

_Gosh, he looks good,_ he thought to himself. For a long time now he had felt something deeper than just friendship for Jackie, but had never shown it. Jackie was clumsy with that sort of things and Black didn't want to give him a scare.

But tonight he would make his move. It was too long since he and Jackie had had fun together and when the perfect moment came... Black promised himself that he would make sure that Jackie got his message.

He wasn't afraid at all, but sure of that Jackie felt the same. The Chinese man just was too shy. Besides, if Jackie didn't swing that way, why hadn't he got married?

"You are awfully quiet. Is everything all right?" Jackie asked. Black laughed softly.

"Of course. I just can't believe I got you out of there," he replied.

"I don't know how you did that either. I am busy with my work in the museum and - " Jackie started, but Black didn't let him finish.

"Don't talk about work, Jackie. It was about time you stepped out of that _closet_ that you call a museum," he said.

"Maybe you are right," Jackie said and smiled weakly.

They arrived at the night club that they both knew. The place had style and there weren't too much people. A bar table stood in the middle of the floor and there were sofas, tables and chairs here and there. Black really liked the place and was sure of that nothing would go wrong.

What horrible could even happen?

"It looks nice," Jackie said next to him. Black smiled.

"I knew you would like it," he said happily and lead Jackie to the bar table. "Let's drink something first."

* * *

"Hey, it has been a while since we were in Dashing Blue, hasn't it?" Chow said suddenly.

"Yeah. Who wants to go?" was Finn's reply. He, Chow and Ratso had been so surprised because of their sudden short vacation that hadn't really known what to do. They all had different opinion on what was fun.

"I do," Ratso announced. He wasn't as eager as his friends, but he had never had anything against having fun.

"Let's go then. We have a whole night for us and we can never be sure of what will happen," Finn said.

"Yeah, maybe we will even get laid," Chow said with optimism.

* * *

Viper looked around. She had arrived in San Francisco the day before and wasn't tired of the trip anymore. Now she was ready to fulfil her plan.

Jackie had once mentioned a night club that he and Black liked. Viper had never considered Jackie an out going type and she had difficulties with imagining him completely relaxed.

She brushed a black lock behind her ear and snorted. She was a hunter, and something told her that she would find Jackie in that particular club tonight.

_Hmh, Jade had better get used to the idea of having an aunt._

* * *

The demons walked as a group towards their destination. Shendu had told them that the place was called Dashing Blue and that it was perfect for them. Nothing could go wrong.

"I really hope that," Bai Tsa had said sharply. "It has been too many centuries since I last had a man." One of the most horrid sides of their punishment was that they were never around anyone else, but their siblings. And none of them was interested in that kind of activity.

"Don't worry, you will find more than enough of them to suit your tastes," Shendu had replied.

He glanced at his siblings.

"Be careful. We are now walking past the Chan shop."

"Why?" Dai Gui asked.

"Because this is the shortest way. We can't afford to waste any time," the fire demon replied.

"Well, I doubt we need to be careful. Chan is so nice that he must be asleep already," Xiao Fung stated in amusement and glanced at the shop. He was curious to see the place where their enemy lived.

"Hey, there was someone in the window!" he exclaimed suddenly and everyone, minus Tso Lan, turned to look at him.

"There is no one," Tchang Zu said. "You are seeing things again, Xiao Fung."

"You have been too long without your plants," Po Kong pointed out. Shendu looked at the window in thought and shrugged.

"Come. When it's the Chan shop I wouldn't be too surprised even if something was there," he said.

* * *

Jade finally dared to peer out of the window again. The strange group was gone.

She had immediately recognised Shendu in Valmont's body and his brother Xiao Fung, but the others had been unfamiliar to her. But there had been eight of them so she believed the whole demon family was on the move.

But how had they got free? Had Shendu found a spell that had freed all of them?

And what were they about to do now?

Jade realised how dangerous the whole situation was. She also realised that it was up to her to save the night. She had to warn Jackie and Black and help them to banish the demos back!

She didn't even stop to re-consider, but climbed out of the window. The girl didn't know where Jackie and Black were, but she knew she could follow the demons and find out their evil plan. Then she could tell everyone what was going on.

And then they would respect her. Jade grinned to herself when she thought about how Jackie would finally have to admit that she was talented.

If Jade had bothered to wait a moment longer her plan might have worked. Unfortunately the door to her room opened right after she had left and Tohru stepped in.

"Do you want some tea, Jade?" the Japanese man asked and stared at the empty room. He sighed. He didn't have to even think what Jade had done.

"Sensei, Jade has run away again," he announced when he returned downstairs. Uncle raised his eyes and frowned.

"Already? Damn, Uncle lost the bet," he muttered angrily and handed Tohru some coins. "Where did she go?"

Tohru shrugged.

"I don't know. Where could she have gone?"

"To Jackie," was Uncle's simple answer.

"Shouldn't we go after her?"

* * *

The demons had arrived in Dashing Blue. They looked around in curiosity and then Tchang Zu nodded.

"This is good," he said. It was rather pointless since everyone had already left. The night was short and there was no time to lose.

* * *

Jade peered behind the corner and frowned. The demons had gone to a night club?

"Wow, this is weird," she muttered to herself and shrugged. She had seen even stranger things during her short life. Like how Jackie still had no idea of that Black had developed a crush on him.

She glanced around herself and ran closer. She wanted to follow the demons a bit more before finding Jackie and telling him everything.

"Hey, where do you think you are going?" a strong voice asked and Jade realised she had run in the arms of a doorman. She had been so stupid! Of course she wouldn't be let in without a very good reason.

"Um, I am older than I look like!" she said fast. The doorman looked at her and lifted a brow. He looked like a monkey.

"Really?" he asked slowly and sarcastically.

"Yeah!"

The doorman thought about it.

"I don't believe you," he said then.

"Why not?" Jade asked.

"I don't like your face."

"... Huh? So this has nothing to do with my height, voice or the simple fact that I am a child?" Hade asked in surprise.

"What? I don't understand sentences that long," the doorman said and was about to kick Jade on the street. He almost managed to do it before a voice stopped him.

"Let her go. She is with me."

Jade and the doorman turned to look at the door where a young man who neither of them knew stood. He had dark grey, almost black hair, deep brown eyes and he was dressed in a black sleeveless shirt and trousers that looked like something Jackie could wear.

Jade blinked. That man had been with the demons! And now that she looked at him closely she could imagine what he had looked like as younger... a boy who had played with her feelings a few days ago.

"Gah! No I am not!" she exclaimed.

The doorman looked at the both of them and obviously didn't know what to do. He had not been hired because of brain function.

"Uh..." he said. Hsi Wu walked to him and grinned with no joy.

"She is my little sister. I can take care of her," he said in determination. The door man didn't think about it anymore - if he ever had - and gave Jade to the demon. Hsi Wu caught the girl's wrist before she managed to run away.

"Good night," he said to the doorman who concentrated on his boring work again.

Once they were inside Hsi Wu turned to look at Jade. He snorted.

"Remember me, Jade?" he asked maliciously and Jade frowned.

"How could I forget?" she asked angrily. "It has been only a few days since we met."

"Yes, I haven't forgotten you either," Hsi Wu said and led Jade to an empty table. He made her sit in front of him and eyed her in amusement. Jade didn't like it at all, but she was also very curious. What was going on?

"How did you come back? Uncle said that once you have been banished back you can't return anymore," she said.

Hsi Wu's grin grew wider and it started to look like his face was about to be ripped in half.

"That is a very long story about Dai Gui, the Immortal heroes, three frying pans, a group of Egyptian belly dancers and a white rat, but I don't have the time to tell all the delicious details. I'll just say that we can return for one night every now and then."

"And the night is now?" Jade asked.

"Isn't that obvious?"

"But... What are you doing here? Why haven't you attacked us or done something else as horrible?" the girl asked. She didn't think she quite understood everything.

Hsi Wu looked at her his left brow lifted.

"Why? This is our only chance in a long time to roam this world. Why should we waste it for something like that? Our portals are sealed, only Bai Tsa would gain something of it," the sky demon said.

Jade decided not to mention that revenge would be a very good reason to kill them all. She didn't want to give the demon any ideas.

"Besides, we all already have a goal here," Hsi Wu continued.

"And yours is?" Jade asked.

Hsi Wu smiled slyly.

"Meeting you of course," he replied.

"Meeting... me? That sounds disgustingly romantic," Jade pointed out.

The sky demon started to laugh.

"Romantic? You and me? I have never heard anything more ridiculous!" he chuckled. Jade had to giggle too.

"Yeah, but think about it. You betrayed me a while ago, I did the same to you and here we are anyway. It sounds exactly like something that some pathetic Internet group could be writing stories about."

"Amazing how some people have no life of their own," Hsi Wu said. "But seriously, I wanted to meet you because I need your help."

Jade looked at the demon in confuse. What could he possibly want?

"What? Why?" she asked.

Hsi Wu looked a bit sheepish.

"Well... I am supposed to have fun and enjoy this night. I have already grown tired of killing, drinking and mortal women and men. I want something new, but demons are not very good with coming up with new ideas. But you..." the demon's expression turned into something almost sad. "But you seemed to enjoy yourself when I met you. I want to know how you can have fun without hurting anyone."

Jade stared at the demon.

"Fine..." she said in uncertainty. Hsi Wu smiled at her.

* * *

Finn sipped his drink and looked around. They had arrived in Dashing Blue just a moment ago, but Chow and Ratso had already left with a woman that looked incredibly horrible. Finn had to shudder.

He was alone now and hoped that he would meet someone better. Hmm, no one proper was around. Just a couple of old farts, Black who seemed to be drooling in Chan's glass, a few men and that strange dude who was staring at him and started to come closer, and -

- and what?

Finn took another glance at the unfamiliar man and watched as he came closer. He was pretty good looking too. He had long black hair that was on a pony tail, intelligent and a bit cold face and he was dressed in very proper clothes.

The man reminded Finn of someone, but he couldn't remember the name.

"It is you," the man sighed and stared at him like in a dream. Finn blinked.

"Uh..." he said. Did he know this guy? It could be that he had met him after drinking too much and doing something unmentionable, but...

Finn couldn't do anything when the man stepped closer, took his face in his hands and looked him deep in the eyes.

"I have wanted you since we met..." the stranger whispered and his voice made sparks go down Finn's spine. He had never though he would get into a situation with a man saying something like that to him, but it felt very... fascinating...

A woman with blue hair turned to stare at them.

"Whee! Dig in, Tso Lan!" she exclaimed loudly raised her fist high above her head. Then she noticed something else and danced away a crowd of men following her.

Now Finn realised why the man looked so familiar. He was the moon demon in human form!

"Aah! Get back!" he screamed and tried to back away. Unfortunately he was sitting his back against a wall and was not able to escape.

"My love, we have only this night. Please, come and look at the moon with me," Tso Lan said softly. He tilted his head slightly. In his human form the demon had ocean green eyes and Finn found himself sinking in them...

He shook his head. The demon was trying to hypnotise him or something.

"Don't come any closer. I don't want to have anything to do with you!" he said and glanced around. Where the heck were Chow and Ratso when he needed them? He was so caught up with finding a way to escape that he didn't notice anything before Tso Lan had caught his wrist.

"Come, my love," Tso Lan said and dragged Finn away with him. The Irishman tried to resist, but the moon demon was surprisingly strong and all resistance was useless.

_Damn! Why always me?_ he thought in desperation.

* * *

Viper looked around. Where was Jackie? If he even was around, that is. She knew Jackie well enough to know that something special must have happened in order for him to be in a place like that.

It had probably been a stupid idea to come there. Viper knew that she would meet Jackie at his home. But then she would have had to play a friend and could not have shown her true feelings.

She looked around and didn't notice a huge man before she had collided with him. A beer glass the man had been holding dell and they both found themselves covered in the drink.

"Oh, I am very sorry! I didn't watch where I was going," Viper apologized. She bent down to pick the glass and gave it to the man. At this point she bothered to really look at him.

The man was big and he had almost golden hair that would have covered his eyes if he didn't brush it away constantly. His eyes were deep blue and he had a strong face. He was wearing a dark brown shirt and black trousers.

"Uh... Here's your glass, mister," Viper said.

The man took the glass. He wore an angry expression and Viper realised that he was pretty pissed off. No wonder, she would have been too.

"You pathetic mortal! How dare you to treat me like that?" he asked.

Viper stared.

"It was an accident," she pointed out lifting a brow. What a steam head!

"An accident? You call that an accident?"

"Yes."

And then the man grabbed her in his arms and kissed her long and hard.

At first Viper couldn't do anything, but then - to her own surprise - she melted in the kiss. She didn't know the man or his name, but it felt like electricity was flowing in his veins. Viper felt like she was one with him as she lay in his arms and she was very disappointed when the kiss ended.

"Woah..." she said in surprise and pressed a hand on her temple. She had to back away a step in order to keep her balance.

"I like women who dare to talk back to me," the man said with a low voice. Viper shrugged.

"In that case I am your type," she said. Jackie was only a fading image in her mind now. "And what is your name, handsome?"

The man looked at her grinning.

"I am Tchang Zu, but you may call me the Master."

* * *

"Hey Jackie, look at that," Black said and pointed at something that sat some tables on their left. There was a man dressed in grey and Black didn't think he had ever seen anyone like him.

The man was short and somehow managed to look both overweight and muscular. He had grey hair that clearly hadn't been combed in a while.

On top of that the man was having a conversation with a plastic decoration plant.

"Hmh...?" Jackie said and tore his eyes from pretty blue haired woman who had been glancing at him. "What?"

Black elbowed his friend a bit hurt because he hadn't been paid attention to.

"Look. He must be very desperate."

And Jackie looked.

His eyes widened.

"Wah! It's a demon!" he exclaimed.

"Jackie, please... No need to make fun of my mental problems..." Black said.

"No, no! It really is a demon! Xiao Fung! I saw him in his human form after his portal had been opened!" Jackie said.

Black looked at Xiao Fung again. He had now started to caress the plant with his finger tips and seemed to be whispering something to it.

"Oh God..." Black muttered in shock.

"Exactly," Jackie said. "The demons are free!"

"No, I meant what he's doing with that plant..." Black said.

"Oh... Well, it is just another reason to make him swallow his teeth!" Jackie said and stood up. Something had to be done!

"Oh Jackie, you look so good when you play the hero!" Black said.

Jackie's fighting pose died. He turned slowly around.

"Excuse me...?"

Black drew a deep breath. This was his chance.

"Jackie, for a long time I have felt something deep towards you..." he started.

"Uh?" Jackie said. He had completely forgotten his former determination of banishing the demons.

"Jackie, I love you. Do you feel the same?" Black asked. Jackie glanced around him looking for something that could buy him extra time.

And he found something.

"Whee!" Jade exclaimed and ran past him. After the girl ran a young boy of the same age, and Jackie recognised him better than well.

"Wah! Jade! How many times have I told you not to play with demon boys? It is not good for your future!" he shouted and ran after the two.

Black was left to sit alone.

"Damn," he said and ordered a new drink.

* * *

Bai Tsa had never had as much fun. Shendu had been right; the mortal world had really changed. If she had jumped to dance on the table, sung dirty songs or promised pleasures to every man who she met in the ancient times she would have been killed.

Or at least thrown back in the whore house where they would have believed she had run from. But that wasn't important.

"Darn, he left," the water demon muttered to herself when she noticed that the handsome Chinese man she had been looking at wasn't there anymore. She really liked all kinds of men, but Chinese were on top of her list anyway. And because there had seemed to be only one - minus her brothers - she had already made her choice.

"Aww, I can't believe this!" she growled angrily.

"What is it?" Shendu asked. He hadn't been able to enjoy the night at all; he had been forced to help his siblings all the time. They had no idea of how to behave in the modern world.

And besides, Valmont grew more and more restless in his mind and the dragon knew that sooner or later he would have to let the man be in charge.

He could only hope that Valmont wouldn't do anything stupid.

"That handsome Chinese man is gone and left only his bald friend there!" Bai Tsa said in disappointment. Shendu looked in the direction where his sister pointed and drew an angry breath.

"Black! He is Chan's friend!" he hissed.

"Chan's?" Bai Tsa repeated. A sly smile spread on her face. "What could be more fun that spending a night with your worst enemy?"

"I wouldn't recommend it. Chan is so nice that he probably hasn't done it with any woman. Or man. Or even himself," Shendu pointed out.

"Oh, and you have?" Bai Tsa mocked.

* * *

Dai Gui walked around and kept an eye on everyone else. He had some kind of drink in his hand and he had been told that it was very strong. The earth demon hadn't tasted it yet, but the smell wad promising.

He loved strong drinks. Now he only needed someone who could pass out with him. Then he could spend the next centuries wondering what the heck had happened.

There wasn't anyone who pleased him and he sat on the bar table. Someone would arrive sooner or later.

"Dai Gui is thirsty," he said to himself and sipped his drink. Ah, it really was strong!

"Same here, buddy," a voice next to him said and Dai Gui turned to look. He saw a bald mortal who looked like he was about to drink everything he got in his hands.

The earth demon didn't say anything; he didn't want to get involved with such a horrible looking mortal.

The bald mortal sighed.

"This night has been a catastrophe," he said. "The love of my life doesn't feel anything towards me."

"Oh," Dai Gui decided to say. He had never learned to see what mortals saw in love. It was so much simpler to keep everything on physical level.

He ran his fingers through his short brown hair and raised the glass on his lips. Then he froze as he felt the bald mortal leaning against him.

"I think I need some pity... Any man will do tonight. My name is Black," the mortal said.

Dai Gui grimaced in disgust and struggled free. He was in such a hurry to leave that forgot his drink.

Black was left alone again.

"Double damn," he said.

* * *

"Ahaha! That tickles!" Po Kong laughed and shoved Chow playfully away. The small man shrugged.

"That was my intention," he replied.

"Yeah, Chow likes tickling," Ratso remarked.

"Oh, really?" Po Kong asked.

In her own opinion the mountain demon had had fantastic luck. She had got two mortal men with her and could already imagine the night they would spend together. Ah, she loved men like that!

Ratso didn't say anything, just smiled. Chow leaned against Po Kong and looked at her in awe.

In her human form Po Kong was a magnificent sight. She was a big woman and had tied her long black hair up. She had dark, almost black eyes and her skin was a bit lighter than Chinese people normally had. She was dressed in a long green dress that had been approved by Shendu. Yes, she was great.

The mountain demon caressed Ratso's hair. The man closed his eyes; he couldn't resist anyone who found his weak spot that easily.

"You are magnificent," Chow said. He bent to press a kiss on Po Kong's neck. The demon could only enjoy the attention she was getting.

"I hope Finn was here too. He is missing out all the cool stuff," Ratso said.

* * *

"Look at the moon, my love. Isn't it beautiful?" Tso Lan asked softly.

"Uh... Yeah..." Finn replied. He felt the moon demon's hand on his waist and didn't know if the feeling was comfortable or not.

Tso Lan had dragged him on the roof and taken his true form. According to his own words he had never liked to pretend being a human.

Finn hoped the demon would have done that anyway. He felt nervous standing next to the floating creature with four arms. And the demon's tongue was plain shocking.

"When I first saw you when I stepped through my portal I thought I had entered Heaven," Tso Lan said. If the words had been said to anyone else but him Finn would have laughed. They were simply ridiculous.

"Oh," he said. Maybe it was better to let the demon speak. That way he could survive this.

"And when I hear your voice... I thought that angels were singing to me. Your eyes are so lovely green, I could drown in them forever," the moon demon continued. Then he sighed. "But of course I couldn't reveal my feelings then."

"Why not?" Finn dared to ask.

"Because of Shendu. He has always been a brat and can't accept that men can love men. If I had even mentioned that I loved you he would have thrown a fit and ruined everything. I hate him," Tso Lan explained.

Finn laughed nervously.

"So we have at least something in common," he said.

"Ah, but that is already so much. I am sure that we will learn to know each other well during this night. And when I have to return to the horrible Netherworld at dawn, I will still feel your kisses on my skin. I will remember this night forever," the moon demon whispered and rubbed Finn's cheek with other one of his smaller hands.

Finn stared at him mouth hanging. Tso Lan was like some writer of rubbish romance novels. He didn't find the words and got his voice back only when the demon had started to take of his clothes.

"Hey, wait a minute!" he exclaimed and tried to back away. God, he would not do it with a demon! Never!

"Don't fight, my love. I always get what I want," Tso Lan said, bent down and kissed him.

Finn had never felt anything like that. Tso Lan looked horrible with his long tongue and inhuman face, but his kiss was something else. The demon tasted of some strong spice, but Finn didn't remember its name, and he could easily forget that he wasn't dealing with a human.

He could only return the kiss. He felt the demon's hands everywhere on his body and tried to keep the image of a horrible monster in his head.

"I can't be doing this," he breathed when the kiss broke.

"You don't really have an option, now do you?" Tso Lan asked softly. He grabbed Finn's hand and placed it on his own hip that was still hidden under his red robe.

"I..." Finn started. He had never felt as reluctant with anyone, and yet...

His thoughts were broken when Tso Lan kissed him again. It felt so strange to have the demon use his tongue, and Finn still tried to resist it.

Finally he had to give up though, and lay down.

* * *

"Oh my God... Look at that..." Jade whispered eyes wide at Hsi Wu, who shrugged.

"Normal behaviour on Tso Lan's part," he said.

"But he... I don't even want to know what he and Finn are doing!" Jade said and pressed a hand on her stomach. Uh, she felt like she was about to throw up. She had nothing against the idea of two men loving each other, but the act of Tso Lan and Finn was just plain sick.

"You don't recognise that position? I can tell you more. It's called - " Hsi Wu started, but Jade didn't want to listen.

"Shut up! I am not interested in that!" she snapped. She was disgusted and yet couldn't tear her eyes from the scene. She loathed herself.

"You could open your mind a little," the sky demon pointed out.

"I have nothing against men in love, but I never thought Tso Lan swung that way," Jade said.

"Nah, he has always loved men. He just doesn't show it when Shendu is around."

"Why not?"

"Are you kidding? Shendu hates nothing more than the love between men. It makes him so sick and he hates it more than anything else in the world," Hsi Wu said.

"So Shendu is straight?" Jade asked. Huh, was she really having a conversation about the demons' sexual preferences?

Hsi Wu nodded.

"As straight as possible. I think he would die if someone even suspected he was in love with a male creature. Or mentioned physical male love near him."

* * *

_If that guy doesn't stop staring at me, I'll punch him in the nose,_ Xiao Fung thought to himself and glanced at Black, who was keeping an eye on him.

"Don't mind him, he is just jealous," he said and brushed gently the plastic plant. It didn't reply, but the demon's touch made it nod.

"Yes, yes, I understand," Xiao Fung said. He took a sip of his drink and leaned back in his chair.

Unlike his siblings, he had found a partner right after stepping in. He had only glanced at the place and known whose fate was to meet him.

It was definitely the lucky night of that particular plastic plant.

"What? You ask why such a handsome and covered in the fangirls' drool demon chooses you? Well, well, don't underestimate yourself. You really are the most beautiful plant I have ever met," he said.

The plant was silent.

"It can't talk," Shendu stated. He was tired, he had just guided Tchang Zu and his woman in an empty room and stopped Dai Gui and Bai Tsa from starting a dance show in the middle of the bar table. The fire demon hadn't even drunk anything himself.

Xiao Fung frowned.

"A proper woman can be seen, but not heard. I know what she is thinking even though she doesn't talk," he said.

"Right, just like the rose bush did?" Shendu asked.

"Shh! Don't say it! Wao Ma doesn't need to know about my former lovers!" the wind demon snapped and glanced at the plant in worry. Had it heard?

"Wao Ma? It already has a name?"

"Of course it does. And what a beautiful name it is. A beautiful wife deserves a beautiful name," Xiao Fung said and smiled happily.

Shendu blinked.

"Now I really need a drink," he muttered and headed towards the bar table.

* * *

Black poured yet another drink in his mouth and sighed. How could Jackie have left him like that? Didn't he see how much he loved him?

"This is so pathetic..." he muttered to himself. The whole night was ruined. He didn't want anything else than to drink himself into oblivion, curl up in the arms of some man, anyone, and spend a night that he would most likely regret later.

Suddenly someone tapped his shoulder and Black turned around. It was Uncle.

_Damn, I'll give it a shot,_ he thought to himself. _I am starting to get desperate..._

"Hi, Uncle. I haven't seen you here before," he said cheerfully and smiled at the older man while trying to use all of his manly charms. Jackie might not like him, but his uncle certainly would.

"That is because Uncle doesn't visit such places. Have you seen Jade?" the old man asked.

Black chuckled.

"Do we really need to talk about Jade now?" he asked. Darn, he looked so good!

Uncle glared at him.

"Uncle has no time for kinky man sex. Must find Jade," he said and left.

Black had to sigh again.

"Why doesn't anyone want to be with me? Is it my aftershave?"

* * *

Jackie looked around in desperation. Where was Jade? He had seen the girl running to this direction with the sky demon, but neither was anywhere to be seen.

"Jade, are you here?" he asked, but didn't get a reply. Why did she always have to get in trouble?

He placed his hand on a door handle.

"I'll check this room and return to Black," he said to himself. Then he remembered what Black had said and realised that he didn't want to meet him again in a while.

Not that his friend's feelings were bad, but Jackie wasn't interested in him that way. He liked women and had always liked. If he was to get into a relationship it would be with a nice woman.

One like Viper. Yes, Viper would be very nice.

Jackie opened the door and froze.

He saw Tchang Zu in his demon form and Viper. The demon was almost naked and Viper was dressed in a very tight and small leather uniform. She had a long whip in her hand and she was sitting on the thunder demon's back.

"Wah!" Jackie screamed in horror. "Viper!"

"Jackie!" Viper exclaimed and was just as shocked. "This isn't what you think! We weren't doing anything!"

"No, we weren't because you disturbed us. Go away Chan!" Tchang Zu said. Jackie could only stare mouth open and eyes wide.

"...uh..." was the only thing he was able to say.

Viper chuckled sheepishly and shrugged.

"So... you want to join us?" she asked.

* * *

Shendu sighed and sipped his drink. The night hadn't been what he had been expecting.

Almost all of his siblings would get laid. He hadn't even drunk much and would not be having any fun at all.

"Lucky me..." he muttered angrily to himself. It was very ridiculous. After all, he was in Valmont's body and the Brit was the most handsome mortal in the place. It would be waste not to spend the night with anyone.

He doubted anything would happen. Even if he found a woman somewhere he would not get to enjoy the scene himself. He was tired and knew that Valmont would gain control soon.

"Remember to behave. I don't want to be ashamed because of you again," he said to the criminal and withdrew voluntarily.

Valmont blinked and looked around himself.

"I am in a... night club?" he said in slight confusion. He had images and Shendu's memories of what had happened this far. He had to admit that he would have never though the dangerous demons could behave like that.

Valmont eyed the other people until his eyes stopped to one of them. He smiled to himself.

"I think I just found what I was looking for," he said to himself.

He sensed Shendu's confusion inside himself and realised that the dragon was keeping an eye on him. Well, all the better. Valmont knew what disgusted the demon more than anything else.

"Well, good evening," he said and sat next to Black. The bald man glanced at him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Guess," Valmont said. He knew that Black wouldn't arrest him now; the man had drunk too much and couldn't probably think straight.

_No! Valmont! Don't do this to me! Noooo!_ When he leaned to kiss Black Valmont could hear Shendu's pleadings in his head, but he paid them no attention.

Now it was his turn to torture the demon.

And Black wrapped his arms around Valmont.

**The End**


End file.
